It’s been a while. With good reason. Here’s why:
It’s amazing to think, that after all this timeâ€”after all this living, and learning, growing and improving, trying, dreaming and just plain existingâ€”I am two weeks away from being a Dad for the first time. Somebody’s Father. Somebody’s Pop, Daddy, Pappa.
For those who follow this blog, you’ll see that sometimes I stop writing for, seemingly, no reason. Well, it’s just, I’ve never been good at multi-tasking; I tend to be better at accomplishing goals that I’ve Â set out before me. So many times, “stuff happens” and I jump on it and don’t relinquish it, until I’m ready. Only then do I find the energy to reflect.
And so, I write today to tell you that, for all intents and purpose, I am ready.
We (my wife & I) are ready.
Since the last time I wrote, we’ve had a couple of baby showers. We’ve spring cleaned the hell out of our apartment. I’ve had to step up my game, of course, as her size is directly proportionate to her ability to tire quickly. So, it’s been a ton of little things accomplished and crossed off.
All in all though, she’s had a most fortunate pregnancy. Very little pain; soreness in the legs & feet yes, but nothing that approaches what many women go through. In other words, so far so good.
As the days past, and the numbers get smaller, my anxiousness grows. Mind you, I’m not afraid, scared or nervous. I’m excited. I can’t seem to stop smiling.
Another thing that’s happened to me is that I find it very difficult to concentrate on anything that demands very much time of me (say, for instance, this post!). Almost all creativity (music, art etc) is in the background right now. I’ve also noticed that I’m literally whittling away the minutes, like an insignificant piece of bark. It’s as if I figure, “well, the quicker to bed, the quicker to rise; the quicker to rise, the quicker to bed.” I just look around at my day for easy, time-wasting things to do.
And yes, I’ve had such good fortune in the unshakeable truth that is my support: family, friends, fans, from all over the world. It’s a mesmerizing experience to hear from people who have their own lives, their own situations, follies and tasks. To take a moment from their day to pause and to send the good cheer they’ve been sending, leaves me humbled and feeling profoundly lucky.
Hell, a woman literally ran across the street to my wife the other day, just to ask when her due date was. It’s LA, people; this is neither the norm nor , frankly, very safe. Yet they chatted about the woman’s kids (I believe she had two) and just smiled away at the possibilities.
I’ve mentioned to more than a few women in my life, that my nefarious plan is actually quite simple: I aim to take the word “paternity” out of the shit hole it’s been in and make it a positive word. It’s current stigma usage is wearily reserved and attached to phrases that end in “test” or “lawsuit.”
Fuck that. Yes, I’m taking “paternity leave.” Yes, I’m enjoying my “paternal instincts.” And I am proud as goobledygook that I have my paternal responsibilities full force and full bore.
So, leading up to the birth, I shall twitter away at these last remaining days of this particular chapter in my life.
I’ve recently mentioned this to a friend, the analogy that makes the most sense to me:
I very much feel like I am at the airport, to pick up a new friend. I got there 2 hours early, and I’m staring at the closed terminal gate, waiting.Â
Trouble is, I don’t know what this guy looks like.
But, I’m about to find out.