Confessions

Ultrasound at 12 weeks

Imagine if I just wrote down what I’m privately feeling, as if I was somehow unaware that anyone and everyone were to read this. I won’t use this to rant, I’ll just confirm or enunciate private feelings in a concrete fashion.

I am so excited to be a Dad. And I’m so very afraid that something will happen to the pregnancy. I’v had to be somewhat emotionally disconnected (just in case), and that’s not like me. Very soon, now that Christina’s out of the 1st trimester, the likelihood of worst case scenarios will lessen. And I will be so grateful. I’m ready to surrender to the emotional side.

I am so excited to release the new album. But it’s a different kind of excitement.  While I’ve never had a kid, I’ve released music before. But this upcoming release comes from more a mix of satisfaction and relief. It’s literally the hardest thing I’ve ever worked on. Ever. I changed the way I recorded, the way I mixed, the way I listened, the way I judged performances, everything. I hope it translates and, as any artist will admit if you get enough booze in them, I remain nervous it’ll get put to the side and forgotten about like so many other pieces of art that litter the highway. 

And I can’t tell you how grateful I’ve been to the patience that my bandmates are capable of. I’ve essentially spent a year completing this thing. We’ve played very few shows, and the November 14th show is the FIRST big LA show this year (we did a very small acoustic one, but it practically doesn’t count). You have to imagine that not having a show to look forward to at least on occasion has been breathtakingly frustrating, but they’ve stuck with me.

So, two things on the horizon. One near, one a bit farther. Both required or require a lot of my time, energy, ambition, balance, patience, planning, and help from a lot of other people.  Really no other way to think of it, but it’s crazy how my life is about to change.

Change that I have no other choice but to believe in.

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